1. Make a list of the people in your life whom you are trying to get to change in some way, even if it means that you are trying to change their feelings, such as keeping them happy. The way you can tell whom you are wanting to change, is that if you do not feel 100% completely satisfied with them as they exist currently. Then you can know that there is something that you want changed about them. List each persons name, and then write what you want them to change. Also write what feeling you are currently having because they are not changing.
For ex: I want my partner to start studying scriptures more often. I am feeling frustrated because she seems to be facing a block on her spiritual path.
2. In the next sentence, write how you will feel if the person did change in the way you desire, and why.
For ex: If I could help my mom to get past this block on her spiritual path, then I would feel overjoyed because she can make spiritual advancement.
3. Study closely the feeling that you think you would feel if you got the other person to change. Close your eyes and let yourself feel in your body, that feeling. Where do you feel that feeling? In your heart, or stomach, or throat? What does it feel like? Let that feeling come over you fully.
4. Now that you have danced with that feeling, contemplate what you can do to generate that same feeling for yourself, just by controlling your own mind – – not putting any more effort into trying to get the other person to change in order for you to have that feeling. Write down what you need to do or say to yourself in order to generate this feeling.
5. Make a commitment to do what you need to do to generate that positive feeling all on your own, without requiring or relying on another to change. Write a statement that you can refer to that reminds you of this commitment. For ex: When I feel the urge to try to change others, I will use this as a reminder to look inward, and to control my own mind to generate the feeling that I am desiring to have.
6. Contact each person on your list, and write them a letter that you can send, or if possible, you will read aloud to them. Your letter can tell them that you thought that your happiness or joy would come from them changing in this certain way (be specific), but through introspection, you realized that your happiness comes from within, and you have figured out how to be happy without trying to change them.
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